There’s this thing about thoughts - they haunt you. They sit in the back of your mind, calling out to be acknowledged, until you finally write them down just to get some peace.
This is one of those thoughts.
I met this girl about two years ago while I was taking an aimless walk. We spoke at length, the vibe was right, so I asked the standard question: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
She smiled and said yes. Usually, when a girl says that, the air gets cold. It’s a stop sign. But with her, it was different. It wasn't a rejection; it was just a fact. She was warm.
Even after that, if we bumped into each other, it was with a warm hug and a genuine smile.
I remember testing the waters back then, dropping a text here and there, but she stood firm. She was loyal. I respected that heavily.
Fast forward two years. I hadn't really thought about her, but suddenly, I started seeing her everywhere. At the gym, on the road, swiping past, it was like the universe was throwing her in my face three or four times a day. You know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So, I jokingly put on my "flirting gown." I hit her up for coffee, fully expecting that same firm "I have a boyfriend" response.
Instead, she said, "Yeah, let’s go."
We grabbed dinner instead, and things moved fast. It got serious. She was sweet, she was attentive, and she fell hard. We were in that bubble where everything feels perfect.
Then came one of those late nights. You know the ones - just chilling in the dark, vulnerable, that phase where you start comparing notes on your past history.
She started telling me about her ex. This wasn't a small thing; they had been together for almost ten years. They had been through thick and thin together. But she mentioned this one specific time where there was a "break" in the relationship. He had issues with his papers and had to leave the country. He came back eventually, but at the time, he was gone for about seven months.
She looked at me, reflecting on that specific gap, and said:
"I could not wait for seven months. I needed to be well f*cked."
The room didn't change, but the way I saw her did.
It created this crazy dichotomy in my mind. On one hand, she was being raw. She was speaking her truth about her physical needs, and there’s something bold about that. She wasn't lying to me.
But on the other hand, it scared the hell out of me.
It was a stark realization about human nature. We want to believe love is unconditional, that people will wait for us. But hearing that made me feel like love is often just transactional. It made me look at this girl, who claimed to be falling for me, and think: If you could flip the switch on a ten-year partner because you couldn't wait a few months, what happens to me if I stumble?
If I get sick, or I’m away, or I can't provide... am I on my own?
She was speaking her truth, but her truth made me realize that loyalty is fragile. And sometimes, no matter how sweet someone is, their self-interest will always win.